'What Happened When Kristina The Vegan Vampire Met Edward Scissorhands'.

“What Happened When Kristina the Vegan Vampire Met Edward Scissorhands”:
A Short Story.

Edward Scissorhands lived alone in the castle left to him by the professor. He had his friends, he was visited by animals, he kept his garden beautiful, and for a while he was content living his quiet lonely life. He read many great stories, and grew more and more intelligent as the professor had intended. Then as time passed by he began to feel a longing, a longing for another person with whom to share his life.
Kristina the Vegan Vampire, lived a long way away, but had contacted Edward via the net. They left each other messages, and found similarity in each other.
One day they decided that they would meet. Kristina visited Edward; they enjoyed themselves and began to fall in love. But Kristina could not give up her existence and stay with Edward; she knew that she had work to do. She left.
They kept in touch, and then one day Kristina came back to Edward’s castle, with some friends. They had plans to rescue some animals who were being cruelly treated, not far from Edward's home. They asked Edward to help them. Edward wanted to help.
Two nights later they set off to the laboratory which they fully intended to raid. They had a massive truck and loads of equipment; they did not plan to just release the animals they were going to take them away and care for them. Edward wanted to keep all of the animals at his castle, and to look after them. Kristina and her friends wanted to do that too.
They reach the facility and break in. Then take over fifty animals of differing species, from insect to mouse, dog to a donkey and a horse. Edward shuddered as he found three monkeys with evil probes in their heads. He did not know how to release them. Kristina came to help, the probes were attached to a large machine, and the pulsing motion of the regulator read that the monkeys were receiving one electrical shock of varying measure every twenty-five minutes. The monkeys sat huddled together, cringing or becoming angry if it was their turn to receive the shock. Kristina brought out the baskets. Edward used his scissors to cut the cables attached to the probes. He was so angry, and so passionate.
'No' shouted Kristina, 'turn it off first...'
She was too late. Edward took a shock and fell to the ground. Quickly she switched off the power switch, but in doing so she triggered an alarm system. She sat down by Edward, his eyes were rolling, he was breathing, but he was unconscious from the shock of the voltage. Quickly she bundled the monkeys into the baskets, and ran out to get the help of her friends. She alone could not carry Edward.
She ran outside to the others and put the monkeys into the back of the truck.
'Quick, get in' said one of her friends, security is coming.
'No, Edward. We must go and carry him, he received a shock, he is unconscious we cannot leave him in there'.
As she said this, security guards fired guns at their truck, her friend grabbed on to her and they drove off, gunshots drowning out her protests.
When Edward came round looking slightly bemused, four security guards stood around him.
'What is this freak?' said one of the guards.
'Ha, ha, that is Edward Scissorhands - I have seen a documentary about him, or was it a film? Get up sun shine, and you keep them scissors above your head ok?'
It was difficult for Edward to get up, he was still in shock. He knew he was surrounded by cruel, cruel people. His bottom lip dithered with fear.
Kristina and her friends were pursued by some security guards driving a four by four, there was a chase, but they managed to loose them and hung out low in a ravine until the guards had given up. The police would be after them too, they had to get the animals to the safety of Edward’s castle, and eventually they did.
For two days they waited, caring for the animals, some of whom were sick, and worrying about Edward, trying to come up with a plan. There had been nothing in the papers the next day about what they had done.
Then a message was left at the castle gates. A large brown envelope, inside of which was a poster. A photograph of Edmund strapped into a chair, a probe attached to his head. Below this was a caption: ‘Surrender! Return all of our animals by 7am tomorrow or the machine goes on and we will send you our results’.
Kristina cried at the sight of the image, Edward’s large sorrowful patient eyes looking back at her, ‘this is all my fault’ she thought. ‘I did this to Edward. Oh why did he have to go with them, why wouldn’t he just stay at the castle and wait for them to return with their mission complete? This had been their original plan, but Edward had insisted, he had so wanted to help’.
They had no choice, they would have to take the animals back, but in Kristina’s mind the protests of Edward could be heard. ‘Leave me, leave the animals, I will be fine’. Kristina’s own mind was tortured by thoughts like these, but she needed to get him out.
‘Look’ she said, ‘We have got ten hours until the deadline. We can either, gather up the animals in that time and take them back, our mission will have failed and we will all go to jail. Or we can run a risk and try to get him out. Let us try to rescue Edward first, they will be expecting this, it won’t be easy, but lets try. If they capture us too, they will get to the animals, but we must take the risk, we must try. We must save Edward!’
The friends were all in agreement, any one of them could walk away, but they all chose to go with Kristina.
‘Divided we fall’ said one of them.
And so they drew up their plans and set off in an old Rover, which had belonged to the Professor (Edward did not drive), along that same road to the Laboratory, which they had taken with much stronger hearts only two days before.
One of the friends stayed behind to care for the animals, she was the vet. She was to assist the other seven, and gain support from Edward’s other friends, should they fall into affray in the rescue attempt. Lots of people loved Edward.
Inside the laboratory, Edward was strapped to a chair. He was attended by four scientists. There had been some debate as to whether the freak would require anaesthetic for the placement of the probe, but in the end as Edward made protests and shed tears it was decided that the use of an anaesthetic would be for the best. The Professor had operated upon Edward in the past, so when Edward came around from the drugs, he was perhaps less nauseous than you might expect. His head was encased as the monkey’s head’s had been, but so far he had been given no shocks.
The next day he had been given food and drink, neither of which he had accepted. Edward was unable to speak; he was so overcome by sorrow. A technician sat with him and talked to him, tried to placate him and alleviate his fears, as he would have done to the animals which he had cared for, but misguidedly supported experimentation upon.
When Kristina was brought into the room along with a lot of sniping and shouting, Edward looked straight into her face, and for a while the pain which resided in his eyes lessened. Kristina had allowed herself to be captured, in the hope that at least, she would be able to distract the guards whilst the others made entry to the place, and at best she would reach Edward and free him herself. Amidst a lot of jeering from the security men Kristina found herself strapped down next to Edward, and she winced as she realised that the probe was really inserted into his brain. She had hoped the photograph was a mock up – how could they be so cruel? Was she to be next?
At that moment there was an explosion, the attention of the guards and the scientists was taken from Edward and Kristina, as alarms and gunshots rang through the building once more.
‘Quick Edward’, said Kristina, as she shuffled her chair closer to his, ‘can you cut this leather strap on my left hand, and then we’ll take it from there’.
‘It is difficult, my scissors are stiff, tied very tightly’ he said. He jerked his scissors as she came closer to him, and then carefully slid a scissor blade against her wrist.
Snip – Kristina’s left hand was free’.
‘Phew’ they both sighed at the same time.
Kristina worked the buckles from the strap on her right hand, then her feet, and then she released Edward.
They embraced.
‘Does that really hurt Edward?’ she asked of his head.
He made no reply but closed his eyes for a moment.
‘Ok, can you walk? Let’s get out of here’.
At that point three of Kristina’s friends made it into the room; two of them helped Edward to walk, whilst the others led the way out. At the end of the corridor they met with some trouble, two armed guards, who threatened to shoot. They ducked for cover in the doorway immediately to their right. Kristina tried the door and it opened, cool air hit her face. They bundled themselves into the room and began to barricade the doorway. Four of the friends were still outside the building (the vet being back at the castle), and the others having stuck to the original strategy of planned entry and escape, rather than just rushing in.
There were no windows in the room, except one ventilation channel which gave just enough room for a human body to scramble through.
‘Come on quick, everyone, let’s see if we can get out’. Edward was standing alone now, leaning against a bench and staring. The two friends who had been supporting him were busy with the barricade, and one friend had already made his escape. ‘Go back to the van’ Kristina called out as she saw him land safely from his fall from the window’.
‘Come on Edward’ shouted Kristina.
‘But Edward just stood there, rocking slightly, looking at something’.
Kristina moved towards Edward, and her two remaining friends moved towards him too, so that they could help him in making it through the window. They knew it would be most dangerous for him to make this escape, with the probe still in place in his head.
They saw what he was looking at, and curled back with horror and dismay.
It was an animal. But an animal without form, it was just a mass of throbbing tissue and vessel, exposed. Yet it could speak directly to Edward through his mind, and it told of its incredible pain and intelligence. They had exposed the animal soul? Edward could not move, he had the stance of the petrified.
‘Just leave it’ cried Kristina, its voice of which she had now heard. ‘We cannot help it. Come on lets go’.
The guards were making sure progress upon the barricade erected against the door.
Edward did not move. Kristina grabbed him around the waste and made to pull him, her friends took hold of his arms. He fought against them, and became overcome with passion. He moved forward and slashed at the hideous mass. With precision and skill he minced the tissues before him, as the entity gave thanks to him in his mind.
It was done. Edward stood back, his head hanging low and his scissor hands blooded and flaccid before him. The machinery to which the animal had been attached began to buzz and hum with some urgency.
‘Its gunna’ blow’ said Kristina, ‘come on let’s get out’.
She pulled at Edward and this time he came. She went through the window first, followed by Edward, whom she helped down from the window, but not without cuts.
As the two others climbed out the guards came through the doorway, they looked around at the room strewn with flesh and blood. Then they made their way to the window in pursuit.
They all made it safely back to the old Rover. Edward and Kristina sat close together, legs outstretched in the boot of the car and they looked out upon the laboratory as the car sped away. They saw two guards climb out of the window through which they had escaped. The guards were running towards them and then they were flung to the ground as the facility exploded with a very load, bang. Flames and smoke ate their way up into the sky. They stopped the car for a moment so that they could all survey the scene.
Back at the castle, the vet’s attention was taken away from the monkey she was playing with, by the crack which could have been thunder, and the flames which she saw leap up into the sky. She could hear the sound of sirens, and of fast moving vehicles travelling towards the flames.
Her anguish was relieved when she saw the old Rover approach the castle gates. She rushed out to greet it, and they all helped Edward to get out of the car. He smiled at them gratefully. Only Kristina and Edward were wounded, the nurse, the vet and the doctor took over their care.
In a few days the furore was all over. The vet had safely removed the probe from Edward’s head, as she had done for the monkeys. The doctor was a consultant with no surgical skill. But he had been helpful in Edwards care.
Five days on from the explosion, Kristina and Edward sat out in the castle grounds, enjoying some sunshine and fresh air. The animals roamed freely around them, too true the monkeys were pests, stealing things and joking around all the time. Edward felt so happy as the doctor read out a report from a national newspaper. In it the tale of the explosion was told, there was no mention of their part in the episode; it just said that all animals and staff members had escaped the building before it went off.
Edward sat with all of his friends; Kristina, Kristina’s friends and the animals. He was happy and would be happy for a very long time to come.

Written by Joanne Mitchinson VN BA(Hons)
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